Masterpiece Classic: Emma, Part One

I am on Team Knightley.

I realize my self-respect just took a stumble with that statement but thought I should clear that up before launching into my comments on Masterpiece Classic's new version of Jane Austen's Emma.  Yes, yes, Darcy, blah-di-blah.  But I came to the realization last night during Part One that of all the Austen men, I am a Knightley gal through and through.  I shall list some reasons for you:

• He's not stuck up
• He is caring and helps people
• He calls Emma out on her shit

Case closed.  Go Team Knightley.

Now on to Part One.  I have not read Emma.  I bought the paperback for $2 a few months back.  I opened up to start reading and where page one ought to have been was page 51.  Yes, someone blasphemous ripped out the first fifty pages.  And someone else sold it to me.  So imagine my giddiness at the prospect of seeing the full Emma.  I loved the hell out of the movie Emma with Jeremy Northam as Knightley.  Oh, and Gwyneth Paltrow as Emma.  But obviously it was way condensed.  And yeah, it took Part One to clear up the matter of who Frank Churchill was related to...or maybe I forgot.  Because after all, Ewan McGregor was Frank in the movie.  Distracting.

The premise of Emma is this: very rich girl loves matchmaking and makes a mess of things.  She lives with her father, played by England's Hardest Working Man in Show Business, Michael Gambon.  (Apparently, the phrase "turn down work" does not enter into his world at all.  Perhaps he doesn't want to dip into his Dumbledore money.) She hangs out with Knightley (!) played by Jonny Lee Miller.  She fixes up her governess with a widower.  Then turns her sights on Harriet Smith for some matchmaking fun with Mr. Elton the vicar.  And she's intrigued by Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax and doesn't want to ever get married.  Part One. In a nutshell. 

As I watched, I tried to imagine what it must be like to be rich and have nothing to do.  Where every new person that comes to town is high drama.  And where people "call" on other people to visit...and they just talk or take "turns" around the garden. They sit and watch others paint.  Part of me wants to ask someone tomorrow to take a "turn" around the former morgue that is now where I work. I'm sure that will go over well. 

What did I learn from Emma Part One?  I would like to take a "turn" around Knightley.  

Masterpiece Classic: Return To Cranford, Part 2

Spoiler warning!

The cow causes the big railroad accident.  Yep.  I actually said to the television, "The train is not going to hit the cow, is it?"  Poor Bessie.

Anyway, back to the beginning.  Our "Previously on Return to Cranford", gave the quick low-down on events to date.  Mainly, William and Peggy are engaged.  And the railroad is going ahead with plans.  And Mrs. Forester loves her cow like a daughter.  (Actually, that may not have been in the "Previously" but there is a scene in Part 2 with her crying that Bessie had to be moved because of the railroad and now has to graze in "common"fields.  Perhaps that's why Bessie decided to do herself in on the track.  She was really fond of that private property grass, I guess.)

Again, I'm jumping ahead to the big action scene.  Before that we get Jonathan Pryce being overly disapproving of his son William and his engagement to lower class Peggy.  William wants to be an engineer and not go into politics!  Jesus, what a choice.  Later, William and Peggy do get to have a Victorian sex scene when Peggy spills some crumbs on her dress and William, after permission of course, de-crumbs her.   The camera lingers on his hand caressing a pleat.  SEXY!

Other matters in Cranford include Mrs. Jamison and her sister-in-law and some etiquette and some scandal when the sister-in-law marries Captain Brown and some shunning happens and then they all forgive and make up.  Mary leaves to be a writer in London.  And Miss Matty misses baby Tilly and thinks everything is her fault.  She uses the profits from her tea shop (See! You had to watch the first Cranford to know what tea shop I'm talking about!) to do something for the people of Cranford: she fixes up the assembly hall and hires a magician.  Exactly.

Before the big magic show, a cow wanders onto a train track.

Peggy and William are wounded.  Peggy's embezzling ne'er-do-well brother that Peggy was escorting to North America to elude the constables dies.  (That's convenient!) And Harry dies.  False alarm!  He actually is still alive.  I haven't mentioned Harry, have I?  He's the poor kid that Philip Glenister (Life on Mars/Ashes to Ashes) leaves all his money to in the first Cranford (see?  Sorry you missed it, aren't you?)  Harry is the one that trips on Bessie's tether and breaks it.  Karma's a bitch, ain't it, Harry?  One careless trip and then the train you're on runs into the same cow!

Everyone is happy and healed and at the magic show now.   Tim Curry is the magician.  He is very magiciany with a heavy accent from some heavy accented country.  He puts Imelda Staunton into a box and she disappears.  And then reappears as Tilly, the baby Miss Matty was missing.  Well, not exactly.  It was just a weird, clunky way to surprise Miss Matty that Tilly and her dad were back.  Then Imelda reappears and everyone applauds.  And then they all dance.  Just like a Victorian Footloose!

What did I learn from Return to Cranford Part 2?  Cows are suicidal.  The way to a man's heart is through crumbs.   And give the gift of magician.

Sesame Street: Roy G Biv

I don't make watching Sesame Street a habit.  That hasn't happened since Kermit was a reporter and I first saw Mah-Na Mah-Na.  (Fun Fact! From Wikipedia: ""Mah Nà Mah Nà" debuted as part of Umiliani's soundtrack for the Italian mondo film Svezia, inferno e paradiso (Sweden: Heaven and Hell) (1968), a pseudo-documentary about wild sexual activity and other behavior in Sweden."  Started with wild Swedish sex and ended with the Muppets.)  But every once in a while I will stumble across the 'Street.  I linger mostly to catch sight of Alan the owner of Mr. Hooper's store.  I worked with him in the past and my mom is his Facebook friend! Back in my stage management days, we did M Butterfly and Alan Muraoka was the Butterfly character.  Spoiler!  That character gets naked.  Now who else can say they have seen someone from Sesame Street naked?  But really, who would admit to that?  (The title of this blog seemed so family friendly a few moments ago...)  


Anyway, today on Sesame Street, Elmo was helping a seafoam green monster named Rosita to see a rainbow.   They squeakily explained that "Roy G Biv" stood for the colors of the rainbow.  (And I would be surprised if any kid picked up on what "i" stood for.  Elmo's voice and the word "indigo" are not a good match.  But I guess kids are used to it.  Kind of like how my ear is trained to understand heavy English accents.)  Elmo conjured up some monsters to represent each color.  They then started jumping about and screaming "Rainbow!" and talking over each other.  Now I see where kids learn that behavior.  (And for some, it stays with them into adulthood.)    Finally, the mosh pit of monsters leaves and Abby Cadabby shows up and makes it rain.  Because apparently, she doesn't do magic very well.  She also lost freckles on a previous snippet I saw.  I don't trust her.


Rosita and Elmo go into Mr. Hooper's store to get dry.  Alan and Gordon are hanging out.  Which surprised me because Gordon is still alive.  But he's not the one I remember.  Apparently there's been a few Gordons.  Kind of like Doctor Who, I guess.  Well, this incarnation of Gordon is a science teacher and he shows Rosita, Elmo and Alan how to make a rainbow using science.  Oh yes, I wrote down how.


You will need: a flashlight, a white piece of paper, a clear glass with water, masking tape.

1. Put masking tape over flashlight
2. Cut slit in tape so some light can shine through
3. Put glass of water on a soup can or something (Oh!  You need a soup can, too)
4. Place sheet of paper next to soup can
5. Turn off lights
6. Shine flashlight through glass of water and onto sheet of paper
7. Bam! Rainbow!

Rosita and Elmo are suitably impressed.  But the rain stops and they leave.  Just in time to see a real rainbow in the sky!  Like Photoshop real.

What did I learn from Sesame Street?  I made a rainbow connection.  

Masterpiece Classic: Return To Cranford, Part I

This was the show I ran home to see.  I spent the last three Sundays watching the encore airing of the original, Cranford.  You know, to psych myself up for the Return! 

But before I launch into my thoughts on the Cranfords, I should take a moment to explain something to the PBS novices out there.  Is Masterpiece Classic the same as Masterpiece Theatre, you ask?  Well, yes and no.  Classic is one-third of Theatre.  There’s Masterpiece Classic, Masterpiece Mystery and Masterpiece Contemporary that collectively are Masterpiece Theatre.  And how do you know which Masterpiece you are watching?  A few ways.  Who’s doing the introduction?  What time of year is it?  Is it January on your calendar and Laura Linney is on your screen?  Classic.  Alan Cumming in late July?  Mystery.  Or perhaps David Tennant is warming your little Doctor Who-lovin’ heart with his natural Scottish accent in chilly November.  Well then, you are watching Masterpiece Contemporary.   Other telltale signs include if people are in bonnets and riding horses, if Miss Marple is lurking about or if it’s, well, contemporary.   One sign that will not help you distinguish: whether or not there are British accents.

Now back to Cranford.  Cranford is based on books by Elizabeth Gaskell which, to be honest, I had never heard of until Dame Judi Dench was nominated for an Emmy for it.  (And then it stalked me: I went into Anthropologie and on the table with the Jane Austen’s was Cranford. On that same table?  Candles.  Next to that table? Sweaters.  You are such a sassy, random lady, Anthropologie. Love you.)

So: Return To Cranford.  When we left Cranford, people were happy for the most part (I say most part because several characters died throughout the five-hour series.  Life is cheap in Cranford).  All misunderstandings were tied up.  People married, etc.  So Return begins two years later.  And some townsfolk are missing.  No, that’s not the storyline.  That’s me wondering if Return is scripted that way or if certain actors passed on the sequel.  There are explanation lines like “You must be lonely with your daughter in India” and “I hardly see my sister now that she’s married to the butcher.” 

The overall story is the railway.  It was touched on in Cranford and now it’s reared its ugly head again.  I say that because in the first series, the ladies of Cranford were in an uproar over the thought of the railroad coming through town and how “that’s not how things are done in Cranford!”  Poor Eileen Atkins was so in a tizzy about it, she died. Her character, I mean.  She heard about the railroad, went home, grabbed her head and then collapsed.  Well, now in Return, new potential young lovers are introduced and they are all about “progress” and pro-railroad.  While the elders are still, “No way!”  (One elder, Lady Ludlow [Francesca Annis] denied the sale of her land to the railroad but she dies standing in her hall waiting for her son Septimus to arrive from Italy.  Based on the name alone you know he’s going to sell the land.)  There are still holdouts, though.  But then Miss Matty (Dame Judi) sees that Cranford needs to move with the times or all the young people will leave and then Cranford will whither away.  So by the end of Part One, the ladies of the town and Jonathon Pryce take a ride on the railroad and reluctantly approve.  In a nutshell.  There’s more to the hour and an half than that.  And though I seem snarky, I’m totally there for Part Two.  Why?  Many reasons.  The kick ass cast.  Dame Judi and Imelda Staunton?  Come on, man.   And I love the hell out of that brit-accent-men-on-horses-embroidering-by-candlelight-smalltown-gossiping-Victorian-romantic-stuff. 

So what did I learn from Return To Cranford, Part One? Old people want to keep their traditions and not change.  Young people fall in love.  And they want updated transportation.  Don’t trust very rich, spoiled sons who just inherited a big estate.  Also, when there’s a dramatic death, there’s another one at the same time across town.  Who knew?

"Viewers Like Me"

Last night I rushed home from work to be sure I was in front of the TV at 9pm.  Yes, in the age of recording devices I still ran home to watch a show.  No, Lost starts next month.  I'm talking the season premiere of Masterpiece Classic.  I'll wait a moment while you read that again.  Masterpiece Classic.  I made it home in time to drag my dog around the block and then sit down for some Masterpiecey goodness.

Explanation due, I understand.  I grew up like most people.  My early PBS memories were happy ones.  In my toddler phase, PBS=Sesame Street.  Then in my elementary school years, PBS=Monty Python's Flying Circus and being forced by my brother to do jumping jacks to stay awake.  But puberty and junior high drove a wedge between PBS and me.  It became: PBS=Boring Stuff My Stepfather Watched.  It was him saying, "I'm going to watch Nova" and the rest of us, thinking in our heads, "Ooooooh, la-di-dah, Nova.  You're sooooooo superior to us."  And then after being further entrenched in cable, PBS was the distant second cousin that you hear about from time to time but have nothing in common with.  Or so I thought.

For whatever reason these last few years, I started noticing PBS again (actually I think I know: onscreen cable guides).  Mainly due to one man: Rick Steves, the Travel Enabler.  (He warranted his own entry in my other blog, The Grady Twins Overlook Anthology, here.)  I went on one European trip and then all I wanted to due was travel or read about travel or watch travel shows.  Hence, Rick.  And then I added Rudy Maxa.  And then, (while jonsin' for more travel crack, I guess), I stumbled upon Wayne Dyer and the PBS Pledge Drive shows.  Deepak Chopra, the Real Age guy.  All of these Better Yourself specials that I watched obsessively and took notes.  Again, I'll wait a moment while you read that last bit over. (Yep, I admitted to this before.)

Now I'm obsessed.  Which surprised me because I thought once I got rid of cable I wouldn't be watching as much TV.  But when I hooked up my digital antenna, I discovered that I had eleven PBS channels (OK.  One is in Spanish and one is televangelists).  So nine PBS channels!    And I watch them...a lot.

So I decided to chronicle the things I've seen on PBS and what I've learned.  And so far I've learned that I can watch a Nova and enjoy it.  My fourteen-year-old self would be so disappointed...